Exactly one month into being a mom of three I’ve contemplated multiple things while nursing what seems like countless hours at night, but these three things continue to come up…

1. Why did God put nipples on males…Let’s be honest if you have ever been a breastfeeding momma at night feeding your little one why your husband just snoozes away those first few weeks it’s a question we all ask ourselves while we exhaustedly glare at them. It might actually be the first question I ask at the gates of heaven…Why God? Why do they have nipples!? Is it to torment us in the middle of the night? They (the nipples) are worthless. Damn you Eve for biting the apple and giving men useless nipples. You thought it was the pain of childbearing but really it’s the pain of seeing/resenting my husbands useless nipples in the middle of the night while you grab anything you can to catch the sometimes painful let down spraying across the room on the other side.

2. Why did God think I could handle three kids

I’m not a ‘kids’ person. My favorite quote is ‘I like my kids..70% of the time…’ so why would the big guy upstairs think I could handle three. I’m still working on this one. I don’t have an answer. I end many of nights in tears. Feeling sorry that someone is going to bed with not the time from me they deserve. I spread myself oh so thin thinking I can do it all and be in all the places but #3 is showing me real quick I can’t. I go to bed most nights with not just an empty cup but a bone dry cup and a tearful prayer of ‘God what were you thinking…I CAN NOT DO THIS.’ But atlas I wake up to a new day and have some how managed to keep all three kids alive so at this point I’m just gonna roll with his plan of me destined to have three. I’ve kept them alive, I’m not sure most days I can live up to my end of the deal of not completely screwing them up but alive and kicking (sometimes screaming too) they are.

3. Why did God bless me so much…I wonder this every night. I’m so tired. The exhaustion of a being a parent is REAL, but I’ve forgotten how exhausting a newborn is. But the love these three people have for me is like nothing I can imagine. Most nights I go to bed thinking I’ve failed all three of them only to wake up and realize they all still love me. The love, grace, AND patience my husband has for me on a daily basis just amazes me as well. That I could get this lucky. Even in our darkest moments he not only loves me but asks how he can help me. He calms me and reassures me daily. He demands that everyone respects me and he physically and financially takes care of us beyond what I ever imagined. How HE does all this with the grace he does I’ll never know. He’s our rock.

Bottom line is we made it {I made it}. Every day are new changes. No schedules have been put in place I’m constantly learning my Virgo ways are no more, my life consists of what my little people demand and I’m learning/struggling to find my own way out again. In time I know it will happen, but as they say the days are long but the years are short. Right now I’m just focused on remembering every single moment of these long days and short years. 💕Happy one month Maximus, we love you . Our life without you wouldn’t be nearly as awesome😘 XoxoRachael