About 15 years ago I made the decision to get breast implants. Looking back on it I wish so much I could go back and tell me younger self so many things. First being “your perfect” but I remind myself of the lessons I’m able to teach now, not only to my daughter, but millions of mommas out there that are looking at their bodies after babies and hating them. I have shared a little about my journey through breast implant illness on my social media pages, but its time to put it all out there in hopes that it will inspire just one person NOT to get Breast Implants.

For the first seven years of having implants I really had no issues with them. At least I didn’t think so. I think I was too wrapped up in life to really notice if anything was happening to my body anyway. I had no issues breastfeeding any of my kids. Nothing about the implants seemed to really bother me. Then I started slowly getting health issues pop up throughout the years that were unexplained. The first was a lump in my throat and joint issues. In the morning my fingers and hand (eventually my entire body) would be so hard to open up. Everything was stiff and hard (not sure what other words used to describe the feeling). Went to several doctors and they told me I was healthy, nothing was wrong. Over the years more things started popping up…increased anxiety, hair loss, chronic sinus infections, brain fog…but I never thought to link anything to my implants. I even found lumps in my breast and in two instances went and got mammograms and blood work done only to be told I had lumpy breast.

After I had Max in 2017 the symptoms came on strong. Again I used the excuse that it was just all part of being a mom. I was supposed to feel this way. This too shall pass…yada yada yada. Then I started watching my friends and even people I didn’t know posting about Breast Implant Illness.

I won’t lie. At first I thought it was a huge hoax. There was no way the FDA would allow us to put something toxic in our bodies. Right? I started doing my own research, I started talking with friends who had their implants removed. I joined a group on Facebook filled with thousands of women all experiencing the same thing I was.

Earlier this year I found another lump in my breast and just felt like shit all the time. I could barely make it through the day with out a nap. My body felt like the aging process was taking hold and just dragging me down faster than I wanted to go. On top of it I started experiencing new symptoms. Ones that really scared me, ones I’ve actually never shared with anyone until now.

 

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Above is the general list of symptoms for Breast Implant Illness. Here are the symptoms I have experienced on and off for the last 15 years:

Anxiety, fatigue, joint pain, brain fog, insomnia, memory loss, tingling, sensitivity to sound and light, hair loss, sinus infections, depression, decreased libido, mood swings, sharp pains, swollen lymph nodes, Chronic Fatigue symptoms, night sweats.

That all sounds fun right? Most of these symptoms, for all these years ,I’ve been able to pawn off on being a mom and hormones. It wasn’t until recently when memory loss and extreme fatigue (so bad I almost have to take a nap daily or go to bed insanely early) started popping in that I realized I had to get these toxic bags out. When your blood work comes back that your perfectly normal but you can barely function for a whole day something is wrong and the doctors are MISSING something.

I’m lucky my husband is the most amazing guy in the entire world and since the minute I started talking to him about it he was on board. He went to my first appointment with an approved plastic surgeon on the eve of our anniversary where the doctor told me: “Your implants are basically a ticking time bomb.” We went to a couple other doctors and finally found the perfect one. TIP: If your going to go through this process I 100% recommend going to see several doctors.

I knew not to expect these doctors to totally buy into the hype of BII, I mean putting implants in peoples bodies were how they were paying their bills right? But I was totally surprised that they didn’t deny there was some sort of link either.

I could go into an insane amount of facts about implants and what they are made of and how they are toxic…on and on…but I would like to keep this simply about my story. If you want to read the facts do your research.

The journey has been long and exhausting, but its almost over. This week I (finally) scheduled my explant surgery for September 18th, 2019. After that I will officially be #onthelighterside.

 

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As excited as I am I am also extremely terrified. The first time I had surgery I was 20 years old. I had no one counting on me, I had no kids. So to go into a major surgery like this with three little people waiting on mommy to get home absolutely terrifies me. I’m pretty sure dying is a totally normal fear for most people in the world and even more so for moms.

I’m also going through the emotions of being mad at myself for putting myself through this in the first place. Ugh! That Why’s going through my head feel endless and the things I wish so much I could have told my younger self. I’m mad I haven’t been able to give them the best of me. That mommy is sorry she’s so tired/frazzled/moody all the time. The recovery process on this surgery is not going to be easy and will take me a while (6-8 weeks!) to be able to even put Max in his car seat. How is that going to affect them? And then of course, there’s the big ‘What if it doesn’t work?’ What if I don’t get better? This one I’m not as worried about simply for the fact that I know FOR SURE after this surgery I will never have to worry about when I have to trade my implants in for a ‘newer model.’

So there I gave you all the fears I have right now and I’m choosing to see them differently and of course pray that God will give me the best possible outcome. I know he will deliver that. I choose to come with gratitude and love for myself and the process. I choose to feel all the feelings and see if as an opportunity for spiritual and personal growth. Perhaps I’m not able to go back and tell that younger self all the things I know now because his role for me was to go through this process and share with all of you out there about BII.

If your thinking about implants for any reason I encourage you to god your research fully. Then I ask you to stop and just remember no matter what you breast look like you are perfectly designed the way God wants you to be. That last statement is so true but can be really hard to believe and process.

The aging process is tough but I plan on embracing in my all natural organic body. A little over 100 days and I plan on spending every moment the next couple months getting my body in prime, healthy condition for surgery and recovery. If you think about it over the next couple months send me prayers and love. I wasn’t sure about sharing any of this journey yet, but I’m feeling called to in hopes of changing the decision of just one person.

If you have experienced something similar or already gone through this process I would love to hear your story! And please share this post with anyone you know who might be thinking about getting implants.

xoxo,

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