The biggest question I get from other moms out there and I hear from a lot of my clients is that they complain about not having enough time to be selfish or take time for starting their own business (side hustle) or Even just have a moment to themselves.
I have a love hate for getting this question (literally) all the time. On one hand I love to go through a persons day and find nuggets of time, but I also get a lot of backlash from moms saying that they have to do x, y, z and they don’t have a moment to spare for themselves. This is not true and if it truly is true you’ve got to find the time.
I’m hear to tell you that you do not have to do anything that:
(1) doesn’t bring you joy
(2) that stresses you out and/or overwhelms you
(3 )that doesn’t benefit you or your family in a positive manner
Yes we all need to pay bills (which is probably going to require you to go to work and maybe that job does not bring you joy). Yes we do have to feed the tiny people in the house and do their laundry, and bathe them and put them to bed….BUT we also MUST put ourselves right there on that to do list as well. Preferably at the top. This still means that yes, some parts of our day we are going to have to do things that don’t necessarily bring us joy and stresses us out, but number three above should always be a non-negotiable.
Today I’m sharing with all you mommas out there my daily checklist for myself and a couple tips I share with my clients to find those pockets of time for themselves whether it’s to get out of the house a bit or work on their own business and thrive in some part of their own life that doesn’t involve your kiddos. This is strictly about YOU.
Tip #1: Having conversations
I figured I’d go all in here and start with the hardest one first. Almost two years ago when I started my very own Selfish Mom Project I didn’t just wake up one day and tell me family I’m going to be selfish for the next 60 days see ya around! I think they would have looked at me like a crazy person and asked me to hand them another snack. We had some hard and deep conversations as a family about it. I sat my family down and told them how I was feeling. I was broken down, worn out and unhappy. My kids were four and eight at the time (I also had a newborn) and I remember thinking this is a really grown up conversation we are having, maybe they are too young for this. Guess what though? They actually understood me! It wasn’t always smooth sailing and still isn’t some days but a conversation (even when its hard) was a good place to start.
The real problem was I waited to long. I waited till I was literally drowning in little people, leaky breast and a level of exhaustion that I’m still not sure some days I’ve recovered from. I waited until my light had not just dimmed but was just dark. Don’t do that. No matter where you are in your Self Mom Project journey find the time right now to have the hard conversations with those around you. It’s easy to be stuck in a state of resentment but if you don’t talk about it and tell those around you about it no one can do anything to help you. Your going to have to get out of your comfort zone for some of you and let the people around you know how you feel. Ask for help, hire help whatever you need to do to get your time. It’s hard and you might not get the response you want right away but be persistent in your pursuit for your physical, mental, social and spiritual health.
Tip #2: Pockets of time
This is my favorite thing to do with my clients. Before I even go into my first call with my clients I give them a simple assignment: write out your entire day in detail. From the moment you wake up till the moment you go to sleep. Every single second needs to be accounted for Mommas. Our time is precious we need a clear look at how we are spending it! Most of my clients find they spend their day doing mindless tasks that can go to someone else (see below), that are wasting their time, or don’t actually bring them joy but they feel and obligation to do things on their list. All of these things take away from their own happiness and we know the saying if Mommas not happy no body’s happy. Repeat after me:
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN GIVE YOUR KIDS A HAPPY MOM.
Your going to have to put in some work here and that’s going to be finding those pockets of time. They are there I promise, we just gotta find them!
This has become one of my favorite things to do with my clients so much so that I’ve decided to open up my 1:1 Private coaching for the next 90 days, more on that later so just keep reading…
Tip #3: Delegate Delegate
Your only one person. You can only do so much but for some reason as moms we have this theory about ourselves that we do it better than anyone else. That may be true. I believe though that sometimes done is bette than perfect. If I give my kids or husband a task that takes the load off of me but isn’t done exactly the way I would do it but it’s still done, that frees up pockets of time for me! It’s time to learn to delegate ladies. Give your husband, kid, dog whoever a task that is easy for them to accomplish and frees up a little bit of time. To my control freaks out there as Elsa said, “LET IT GO!” A successful business can not be run by only one person. There’s always a team behind it. Even the person sorting mail is important. Everyone in your family should have roles and jobs delegated to them. It takes a family to run a house smoothly it should not be something all on your shoulders. Delegate!
Tip #4: Four love languages met
I’m a big believer that I have four love languages that I need to be met personally and daily. I need to make sure that I am fulfilled spiritually, emotionally, socially, and physically. Just looking at these four you minght be thinking, “wow that’s a lot how do you get anything done!” I’ve created a system that I use with all my clients and through years of personal research and personal development and found that this is a simple and effective way to make sure I’m taking care of all aspects of myself on all levels.
Not sure if you have time? Let’s chat about my 1:1 Private Coaching because I promise after we work together and find your pockets of time and go through the rest of these tips I am able to coach you to that next level.
Tip #5: Work life balance
This tips for all my mommas who work or are trying to build their businesses. I genuinely hate the word balance. In my opinion it’s a shitty word and has become this stigma that as moms we are supposed to maintain – balance. But for lack of a better word I’m using it here. When you flip on a light it either goes on or off, right? When there is a dimmer switch it creates a weird hue in the room and the eyes can’t adjust normally. When your in the process of starting your own business or working a full time job your not able to fully function because you’ve turned on your (life) dimmer switch. There have to be dedicated times for both family and work. I find when I started this business I was so excited that I literally lived in dimmer mode which means I was never able to fully focus on either task and in return both of them (my work and my family) got the worst of me. I now have clear hours set up for both. My kids and family know these hours and they are nonnegotiable for me. Yes that might mean that my kids get a little screen time in the afternoon while I work during nap times and I wake up a little earlier than everyone else to get my Selfish Mom love languages met. I’ve established this routine because both my family and my work are important to me and I truly believe my kids need to see that. They need to see me in my element and passionate about my work and know that when that time is done I’m plugged out of work and just their momma.
I share some great and amazing ways to do this that have worked for me in my private 1:1 90 days coaching.
Tip #6: Everyone deserves selfish time
Yes I understand I have built a very successful brand on the point of being Selfish as a mom but this was not done on my own and I have always recognized that’s. With out the support of my family I would never have been able to do any of this. My husband for years has gone to work and made sure this family was taken care of. He’s stopped me in my tracks when he could see my overwhelm starting to creep in asking me what I needed (yoga, a night out, mani-pedi). But over the years (11 years of marriage y’all!) I’ve come to realize that he needs his Selfish Daddy time too. He needs his minute to recharge and feel good and focus on his own love languages. For him it’s fishing. Though I don’t understand it totally and it’s not my thing, I get that he needs that release and I appreciate him for letting me know when he needs it. It’s so easy to focus just on our kids or ourselves but really when we focus on the bigger picture and finding what everyone needs to feel good even just for a bit those around us are much more likely to be accommodating to our needs well. Something to think on right?
So there you have it…my six fundamental tips and creating more time so that you can get some you time in whether it’s to be fully selfish, work on your business or simply to take a shower by yourself.
I don’t often open my 1:1 Private coaching over summer, but I’m feeling a true calling to open it up to some amazing mommas who need the support now more than ever! Summer can be rough, maybe your stuck in a rut. Maybe you need a jump start or a kick in the booty. Maybe you need help having those hard discussions with those around you about your needs and wants! Maybe you want to start your own side hustle or business…Or maybe you truly feel you don’t have a minute to spare on yourself….whatever it is let’s do this!
What your getting over 90 days of coaching:
1:1 Private Coaching
- 2 Recorded 1:1 Calls a month (60 minutes each) *All Calls are recorded*
- Unlimited text & email support throughout the entire 90 days
- 1 Group Coaching Call a month*
- Monthly Selfish Mom Project Coaching packet filled with affirmations, journal prompts and assignments to move you to your next level.
- Selfish Mom Project Accountability Journal (new and improved!) to keep you accountable for these 90 days and beyond.
I’m offering this as a summer deal for the lowest I have ever done any of my coaching packages! Click below to join the waitlist where you will receive an email from me and my team on next steps!!
To the amazing mommas I’m going to be working with, get ready to step into your true divine power not just as a Mom but as a woman! We all have a light to shine and yours is ready to burst out. I know it and I feel it. Your ready, this is your sign! Im so excited for you!