Three weeks today since these toxic bags they call breast implants came out of my body.

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I would love to tell you that every single minute of recovery and the entire process has been flawless and amazing but that would be lying. What is has been, is worth every single bit of the process, even the hard ones.

I went into the surgery being absolutely terrified. I had no clue what to really expect. When my surgeon Dr. Bryan Armijo showed up with his team I felt instantly calm. His presence and skill is amazing and I could not have picked a better man for the job.

I started taking notes and journaling the moment I came home. I truly felt my mission in this process was to fully share with others what entire process was like so that if they decided to undergo this procedure they would have a better idea.

The first two day I’m not going to lie I was pretty dosed up with pain meds and don’t really remember more than waking up to eat and go back to sleep. I had drains for about ten days. They were horrible and I hated every minute of them but so essential in the healing process. My mom took Max for a couple nights which was very helpful and my big kids were amazing at helping to take care of me and making life easy on their dad. I remember at one point waking up from a nap and Jay was watching his iPad next to me in bed just rubbing my face. I’ll never forget that moment because he looked at me and said, “Mommy you look different. You look beautiful. Your skin bright.” It makes me want to cry just writing that out.

My skin was the first big change I noticed. I don’t really know how to explain it. You can see in the picture below the difference (right is before explant day of surgery, left is the next day). Before you can still notice my skin spots around my hair line from sun exposure. My skin felt old, tired, limp, colorless…now it feels vibrant, softer, literally glowing. My skin feels like its taken on a life of its own, if that even makes sense.

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The first weekend was pretty much a blur. I lounged around, with around the clock pain meds until we figured out a system that worked for me best. I don’t take medication very well.

I had surgery on a Wednesday and on a Friday home alone for a couple hours, I decided to open up and take a peak at what I was working with boob wise (horrible idea by the way). I cried hysterically and basically became crazy emotional. Y’all I’ll be honest before I got this explant my boobs were perfect. I loved the way they looked that was never the issue, the issue was my declining health. That first time I saw my new boobs I didn’t see them with the idea that they just might have saved my life, I saw them bruised and stitched up. I’ll be honest it wasn’t a good day for me. I lost perspective and if we are being really honest, I was being pretty vain about the whole thing. I cried a lot. Maybe it was pure vanity coming out, maybe it was me being a crazy emotional person or maybe it was the pain pills. My husband came home and I cried to him and of course he assured me all was good. You know why?

Because no one gives a crap what your boobs look like when your dead. 

I wasn’t going to waste one more minute on fretting over what it looked like and I’m so glad I didn’t because they are GORGEOUS and I love everything about my itty bitty boobies and you know what I’m just thankful for them. If your in any of BII groups on Facebook you’ll read stories of women having implants after a double mastectomy only to later get them removed because the implants to caused them health issues. I’m beyond lucky and as I sit here today, during Breast Cancer Awareness month I’m reminded of vanity that society can play into all of this. I hope that’s a change I’m able to inspire others to see, that they are just perfect.

My scars (which actually don’t look bad at all with a little bit of help) are a reminder that my body was just fine the way it was, I actually love my scars, I’m proud of them. I’m a mixture of emotions writing about the process. One I wish I never would have had to go through it to begin with. I wish I would have been stronger and more self aware when I was younger. I’m angry that I made the decision to put something IN my body that the FDA is now finding actually isn’t that great for us. But I’m so happy and proud of myself for being an advocate for my own health and life. That I made the decision despite society having a ‘preference’ on a woman’s body and despite the fact that I could see the look of crazy some people thought I was, that this was all “in my head.”

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Still rocking my surgical bra and girdle lol but loving it all! 

Three weeks later and I have more energy than I have had in YEARS. Which is hard when your body is still very much healing but you want to do all the things. My brain which used to feel fogged up and hazy, is now running a mile a minute and I can see the course of my family, my relationships, my business EVOLVING for the good because its like a curtain has been lifted.

My body is still very much in healing mode. Hopefully next week my husband will let me start adding in some slow cardio, he definitely puts me in place when he know’s I’ve been doing too much, which is easy when to do when you’ve just got your energy back after so long, lol. The doctor said I would experience some bloat for a couple more months and I’m in a girdle for a couple more weeks (I don’t know how you ladies wear these Spanx all the time). Its all a process and I’m just rolling with it.

Symptoms that I had before that have gone away in the last three weeks: extreme fatigue (I do get a little tired at the end of the day but I’m not needing naps anymore), JOINT PAIN (praise the Lord bc this one was horrible), Brain Fog (getting better every day), energy level & concentration, memory loss, Libido (y’all I don’t think we even waited a week haha!), headaches, and my dry skin and hair (all them natural oils are coming back out!).

My anxiety has gotten better but it still is a little high when I’m alone with Max but I think this is mostly because I still am not able to lift him or carry him so I’m really reliable on a two year old listening to my every direction I give…which is a super fun game to play lol.

Thankfully my kids saw this whole process and know that mommy had boo boo’s. IF you follow me on social media I posted what my six year old said to me the other night about feeling my heart beat. Y’all I had physically not been able to put my hand on my chest and feel my heart beat for months. This just made me cry and burst with pride all at the same time.

So the bags are out, now what? Now I just continue to work on healing. Both inside and out. I continue to share my story and was given my first opportunity in a couple weeks on the eve of my 1 month explant anniversary to share my story with two other clean health ladies at a Beauty, Boos, & Boobies Event! I’m so excited and if your a Dallas local I would love to have you pop into the FREE event so email me at rtapper@selfishmomproject.com for more details.

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My mind is literally racing with ideas for The Selfish Mom Project and I can’t wait to continue to share them with you. 

xoxo, 

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