If you would have told me three years ago I’d be finishing a 200 hour yoga teacher training class I would have laughed in your face.
But as it happens the divine stepped in and changed the course of my life forever with a prenatal yoga class.
Motherhood can make your ego flare. It’s the cycle of judgment between other moms. Our egos puff up and we walk around like peacocks. Yoga is strong about leaving the ego at the door. When I started yoga my ego was strong and negative and in a desperate attempt to hide it and easing my growing back pain I walked into a yoga class.
I found it hard at first to check the ego. In class I found myself looking around, what were they doing. Am I better? Oh crap I’m the worst in the class aren’t I? The teacher is probably wonder what I’m doing here. Why doesn’t my teacher tell me I’ve gotten better, I was amazing today….
My manic yoga practice was a mirror of my precondition notions of life and the lies my overactive ego was feeding not only me but especially about motherhood.
“Your not a good enough mother.”
“No one likes you.”
“Try harder, it’s not Perfect.”
I was living the ego based lie of my life that I wasn’t worthy of being there because I wasn’t good enough. Whoa. Did I just solve years of trauma in a single yoga class?
I started going to class more and looking up less….I started focusing on my alignment and less on what others in my class were doing. Translate to motherhood and I quit giving a crap with how others thought I did things and instead I focused on my alignment as a mother and how to best serve my kids and my family.
I learned the power of breath and I watch my reaction to my sometimes naughty trio go from brass and negative to calm and meditative. I watched as my ego started checking it self more. Not just at the yoga studio door, but as I walked into school to pick up my children, as my kid lost their minds at the grocery store or even better when seeing someone else’s kid lose theirs. I started aligning my practice on the mat with my life off the mat. Doing my best to leave judgement and ego at the door.
A very special woman recently came into my life as a mentor and she asked me why I loved yoga. My response, ‘yoga allowed me to be present. While practicing yoga nothing matters that is not in the realm of my mat. My focus is truly this mat and myself. Selfish mom moment at its best am I right?
Where my kids once said mom are you going to work out they now begged me to go to yoga to see their yoga friends. We practiced tree pose and headstands at home and began dancing in the kitchen while we cooked dinner, where before I had found myself in a frenzie and state of constant overwhelm. I began to see my ego being checked more and more and in places I had never noticed it was in the first place. I began watching my role as a mother shift in a direction, though my ego isn’t fully gone, it has shifted and that place where I once looked all over full of self judging and judging others and feeling a need for attention I now came to with eyes closed, ego at the door, and a need to focus on nothing but my mat.
Yoga taught me about the ego. It has and continues to teach me self love, wisdom, strength and not just in my asana (or poses)…It taught me about strength in myself as a mother, showed me how my ego was showing up to my family. It’s given me breakthroughs I never thought possible and allowed me the opportunity to break through emotions on my mat, learn from them, and to take those meditative lessons off the mat.
Once the mother saying she could never do yoga because of her extreme fear is teaching this wonderful gift to others at a studio.
Come experience my passion for yoga every Sunday at 2:30pm at We Yogis Lakewood or visit www.CorporateFlowDallas.com to schedule a class on your own time.