As any human we want to be liked. I don’t care how different and weird you are or aim to be everyone wants to be liked by someone. The problem with this is two things. One, at what capacity are you willing to go too to be accepted and liked by others? In doing so are you jeopardize your true self and your morals? And two, its just not possible! Even the nicest people in the world have someone that doesn’t like them and probably because they are too nice!
I think one of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is not teaching this to our kids. When someone is mean to one of our kids we are quick to defend the behavior or our child and quick to dismiss the others. The other kids must be bad or something’s wrong with that kid if they don’t like you we tell them…but in reality NOTHING is probably wrong with the other child they simply don’t like your kid. That’s okay. We shouldn’t be teaching that you have to LIKE another person and be best friends with them we should teach about the proper behavior and etiquette to have toward another human ESPECIALLY if you don’t like them. Teaching the process of what its like to have your feelings hurt when someone doesn’t like you and how to release it and just do you, fully embracing the package you have to offer the world.
When my oldest started kindergarten there was a mother I thought was so fun and cool and for years we were after school playground friends. We all gathered and talked and laughed after school told stories, I even had her over a few times – loved her! Super fun, cool chick. Until one day she acted like I was no longer there. Like I was an invisible ghost, literally blocking me out of the circle. I felt crushed, straight off a new baby and now suddenly shunned from someone I thought was genuinely my good friends and with out any word of if I had done something to her. For months I let it bother me, I would often even get a rise just inserting myself more in conversations she was in because I could see her squirm. I’d tell my husband about it and of course his response was not super PG13 so I’ll leave it out, lol but basically,
“Why do you care?”
WHY DID I CARE? Sit on that thought for a moment…If someone doesn’t like you why do you really care? Maybe that’s a journal prompt for you. I sat with the statement for a long time and honestly realized I didn’t care. Here I was wasting energy and emotion on a person that I didn’t genuinely care about.
When our daughter came home recently saying that several girls called her ugly I found it a perfect opportunity to teach her how to feel, recognize, release and pray which is my process for how to get over a friendship gone sour or feeling the loss and downright yucky feeling when someone doesn’t like you.
1. Feel – You are allowed to feel any emotion you want to feel. As a society we don’t encourage emotion as much as we should. We burry them deep deep down were they take root making our energy off and our spirit low. My theory is this is why we have so much physical violence in the world…from telling others to hide our emotions instead of truly feeling them. When charges of emotions come up, don’t push them away, let them release when they come up (through crying or sadness) so they don’t become pent up physical issues later holding you back from experiences that require emotion.
2. Recognize – Recognize that reason could actually have nothing to do with you. Yes I realize this sounds confusing. How can it not be about me when the person doesn’t like me? Every time Sophia comes home saying someone makes fun of how little she is or in this case was calling her ugly I load her up with questions…Are you a baby because you are smaller? No. Do you think your ugly? No I don’t think I’m ugly. Great, then we can recognize that these statements are simply the insecurities of others and no longer involve us. We never fully know what is happening in the life and mind of another person, recognize fully that just because someone doesn’t like you it doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad about you and it certainly doesn’t define you.
3. Release, Release, Release…I often find this is the part of the process that can be the hardest and you might want to pull in some guidance on this one. A couple ways I like to release people that not longer serve me is by writing them an unsent letter. Journaling your way through pretty much anything can be beyond therapeutic and it never has to be shared. Cord Cutting Meditation is amazing for the person who needs a more visual approach to releasing a thought or person from there mind.
4. Pray – Just by feeling, recognizing and releasing doesn’t mean that the hurt or need of acceptance will disappear. Unfortunately. I find the process gets easier after thanking the emotion for the rooted work that needed to be done and then praying to God for guidance, love and lots of patience. I also pray for the other person.
It’s hard and it sucks, but I think by teaching our kids, oh especially our girls, how to go through this process we could end so much gossip, depression, competitiveness, maybe even the intense need to fit in and ‘be cool’ and do things just for someone to like you. Embracing your true authentic self is what the world needs more of, even if that means someone isn’t going to like you.