When I started this blog I promised to be honest.

I also promised I would keep up with it weekly. I also thought it would go a completely different direction that I find it now going.

I am in struggle city as a mom. I find myself struggling with God’s plan for my life and praying for lots of answers.

The ‘new’ as they call it with my middle has worn off. Both my kids complain of not getting the time they need and deserve with me because of a new baby. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to make everyone happy. My cup is so dry most nights. I look back at the girl I once was that told others and her clients, “Moms have to fill their cups first.” True but someone tell me where the time to fill my cup is in this phase of life!? I’ve got three little people counting on me, that need all of me and right now thats just how it has to be. My cup use to get full with a workout and an hour alone every morning. Now I’m finding its filled (never seems full) in different ways…a five minute gratitude journal I keep daily, a glass of wine outside at night, I’m thankful for texts and messages from my sweet friends that remind me this is a phase and I’m doing a good job. Parenting is HARD. This phase is hard, and I’m pretty sure the next one will have its own struggles to deal with.

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My struggle leads me to feel like I’m starting over my journey of who I am. At first I was frustrated with this. I’ve spent three years in Beachbody and realizing that its just not serving me the way it should. I found beach body  as an amazing community three years ago that helped bring my out of postpartum depression. This time around I find myself in a different place and not getting the support I once had before. While I will always be a coach (hello discounts!) and 100% believe in these products that they truly do help others as they have me for years, I need to take a giant step back, quick stressing, and use this time to really listen to where God wants me to go next.

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Maybe I’ll come back to full time beach body coaching on day. Maybe I’ll start taking on more personal training clients, maybe I’ll write on this blog every day, maybe I’ll become a yoga instructor. I don’t know… right now I’m just learning how to be a mom of three. What I know is I’m giving myself grace. So as I tell my kids, be patient with me I’m learning. I promise my next post won’t be so heavy I’ll write about rainbows and unicorns or something. LOL.

As always, thanks for reading.

xoxo, 

Rachael 

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