Parenting Struggles

When I started this blog I promised to be honest.

I also promised I would keep up with it weekly. I also thought it would go a completely different direction that I find it now going.

I am in struggle city as a mom. I find myself struggling with God’s plan for my life and praying for lots of answers.

The ‘new’ as they call it with my middle has worn off. Both my kids complain of not getting the time they need and deserve with me because of a new baby. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to make everyone happy. My cup is so dry most nights. I look back at the girl I once was that told others and her clients, “Moms have to fill their cups first.” True but someone tell me where the time to fill my cup is in this phase of life!? I’ve got three little people counting on me, that need all of me and right now thats just how it has to be. My cup use to get full with a workout and an hour alone every morning. Now I’m finding its filled (never seems full) in different ways…a five minute gratitude journal I keep daily, a glass of wine outside at night, I’m thankful for texts and messages from my sweet friends that remind me this is a phase and I’m doing a good job. Parenting is HARD. This phase is hard, and I’m pretty sure the next one will have its own struggles to deal with.

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My struggle leads me to feel like I’m starting over my journey of who I am. At first I was frustrated with this. I’ve spent three years in Beachbody and realizing that its just not serving me the way it should. I found beach body  as an amazing community three years ago that helped bring my out of postpartum depression. This time around I find myself in a different place and not getting the support I once had before. While I will always be a coach (hello discounts!) and 100% believe in these products that they truly do help others as they have me for years, I need to take a giant step back, quick stressing, and use this time to really listen to where God wants me to go next.

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Maybe I’ll come back to full time beach body coaching on day. Maybe I’ll start taking on more personal training clients, maybe I’ll write on this blog every day, maybe I’ll become a yoga instructor. I don’t know… right now I’m just learning how to be a mom of three. What I know is I’m giving myself grace. So as I tell my kids, be patient with me I’m learning. I promise my next post won’t be so heavy I’ll write about rainbows and unicorns or something. LOL.

As always, thanks for reading.

xoxo, 

Rachael 

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One month in…

Exactly one month into being a mom of three I’ve contemplated multiple things while nursing what seems like countless hours at night, but these three things continue to come up…

1. Why did God put nipples on males…Let’s be honest if you have ever been a breastfeeding momma at night feeding your little one why your husband just snoozes away those first few weeks it’s a question we all ask ourselves while we exhaustedly glare at them. It might actually be the first question I ask at the gates of heaven…Why God? Why do they have nipples!? Is it to torment us in the middle of the night? They (the nipples) are worthless. Damn you Eve for biting the apple and giving men useless nipples. You thought it was the pain of childbearing but really it’s the pain of seeing/resenting my husbands useless nipples in the middle of the night while you grab anything you can to catch the sometimes painful let down spraying across the room on the other side.

2. Why did God think I could handle three kids

I’m not a ‘kids’ person. My favorite quote is ‘I like my kids..70% of the time…’ so why would the big guy upstairs think I could handle three. I’m still working on this one. I don’t have an answer. I end many of nights in tears. Feeling sorry that someone is going to bed with not the time from me they deserve. I spread myself oh so thin thinking I can do it all and be in all the places but #3 is showing me real quick I can’t. I go to bed most nights with not just an empty cup but a bone dry cup and a tearful prayer of ‘God what were you thinking…I CAN NOT DO THIS.’ But atlas I wake up to a new day and have some how managed to keep all three kids alive so at this point I’m just gonna roll with his plan of me destined to have three. I’ve kept them alive, I’m not sure most days I can live up to my end of the deal of not completely screwing them up but alive and kicking (sometimes screaming too) they are.

3. Why did God bless me so much…I wonder this every night. I’m so tired. The exhaustion of a being a parent is REAL, but I’ve forgotten how exhausting a newborn is. But the love these three people have for me is like nothing I can imagine. Most nights I go to bed thinking I’ve failed all three of them only to wake up and realize they all still love me. The love, grace, AND patience my husband has for me on a daily basis just amazes me as well. That I could get this lucky. Even in our darkest moments he not only loves me but asks how he can help me. He calms me and reassures me daily. He demands that everyone respects me and he physically and financially takes care of us beyond what I ever imagined. How HE does all this with the grace he does I’ll never know. He’s our rock.

Bottom line is we made it {I made it}. Every day are new changes. No schedules have been put in place I’m constantly learning my Virgo ways are no more, my life consists of what my little people demand and I’m learning/struggling to find my own way out again. In time I know it will happen, but as they say the days are long but the years are short. Right now I’m just focused on remembering every single moment of these long days and short years. 💕Happy one month Maximus, we love you . Our life without you wouldn’t be nearly as awesome😘 XoxoRachael

Beginning the Postpartum Journey

September has finally arrived and I have officially sent off my big kids to their first day of school. Sophia started 3rd grade last week and Jay is just started his last year of preschool today.

There are moments this morning I am literally shocked I actually survived the summer. Not only did I keep two kids alive but grew and gave birth to another baby, just thinking about it all makes me exhausted. But here I am alive and showered on this wonderful September day.

For years I have looked forward to the day when all my children would be in school full time. I never thought this moment would lead me back to the beginning of my health and fitness journey — AGAIN of re-doing the whole postpartum thing. But I’ve accepted this new mission and I’m ready to start sharing my journey and helping other momma’s again. It was a nice break this summer but my body is so ready for the work!

I’m currently only three weeks postpartum and as much as I would love to get super sweaty and start lifting weights, I am reminding myself that only three weeks ago my body did a crazy amazing thing and grew and pushed out a baby that was over 7 lbs! I need to completely let it heal from the inside out. So we are gonna start this process slow.

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My new sweet little assistant Max

Though I only gained about 27lbs  this pregnancy (and have almost lost it all!) my sweet little Max <3 left me with the dreaded diastasis recti that so many of us mom’s get after pregnancy. If your not aware of what diastasis recti is in short explanation its the separation of the abdominal muscles. Its often the cause of what some call the Mummy Tummy causing women to still look pregnant for months or even years after they actually give birth and is often paired with pelvic floor problems too…sounds fun right 🙁 Yeah no, lol.

Normal exercises that you would do for your core to tighten it up like crunches, planks, sit-ups, oblique twists or anything basically jack-knifing your body are HUGE no-no’s and can actually cause MORE damage. What’s that leave you with then? Well I’m making it my mission to find out! I’m working on creating mini workouts (A 30 day Challenge) and safe cardio (thats not too hard on the body while it heals) that are not only safe for those of us suffering from the Mummy Tummy or recovering from birth but can actually help restore the pelvic floor and bring the abs closer together.

I’m also ready to start really focusing on my nutrition again and not using breastfeeding as a reason to say yes to French fries every time they are near me. I know I’ve got to eat an additional 500 calories while breastfeeding but that doesn’t mean it needs to be loaded cheese fries and frankly this already exhausted momma knows foods like that do nothing but actually make me more exhausted. Time to fuel with GOOD food and limit those that make me bloated, gross, and do nothing for my milk supply.

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Three Weeks Postpartum Selfie 🙂 

Excited to share my journey with you over the next 30 days and hope to see many of you in my group that will start mid – October. This life is a crazy wild ride, and while I never thought I would literally be starting from scratch again, I know God is using me in this moment to do it the right way and show others it CAN be done. There won’t be lots of over night changes and I’ve got a ways to go but I’m excited to start coaching you all again into a healthier lifestyle and getting the results.

xoxo

Rachael